Lila Tran

Covering up the beautiful truth

2012-02-06T19:56:00.001-08:00

I sat here for the last five minutes, trying to start a sentence for the February entry, but can’t seem to figure out a way to do this, keep on erasing, starting at cursor zero again. I know why.

Autumn, she promised me a change, I remember we made the exchange, she never mentioned when to expect the unexpected. Just today, I finally have time to sit down and really hit a moment of silence for myself, understanding what it means to be appreciated, loved, admired by folks that are in my life. I guarantee sadness will not make another visit while I am with you or will it?

Less than a month ago, I watched the birthday girl filled with flowers, gifts, and of course the extra attention by folks around the world, I don’t know what to make of this feeling, as if she was at ease with this new unexpected object in her life, a bit cautious at first, but certainly granted herself the “get out of jail” card for now.

eh, I finally took care of the poison snake and shot it out of my life. Down to two now, one took off, trying to figure out what life means, happy like a fat Buddha, I certainly cannot take that away from someone’s life.

This one, is work in progress. Nothing much to write, watching is learning and see how far the eagle will fly.

Pedal Down

2012-01-13T17:13:00.001-08:00

If the world would give me one hour left to write about something before running out for the day, what would I write, what would I share, to myself, and to those that are like me?

Of course the beach, call me crazy, call me needy and clingy, to this dream of mine, I completely agree. Maybe I haven’t really grown out of it. Innocent memories of running on white sand with them boys and girls, swimming while laughing, drinking salt water on multiple accidents, and the sound of those waves as the sun begins to hide. Now, I am all grown up, counting down day by day until it reaches another increment of my age. I still can’t quite understand, just yesterday I was sitting here, writing the same thing about my life, as always, the cloud is grey, sort of like limbo, you hop in hop out, like a clown, until the day I no longer frown. And yes, it is January again. Oh dear..

I suppose I don’t really know how to explain mother nature the best way I can. I guess this is practice writing? Of course, everyday is a practice writing for me.

How interesting is this? Sitting in an office full of hardware, five different phone devices, two xbox’s, four monitors, 2 computers, a song that suddenly set back the moments, and music sheets that are meant to be played but not yet played. She feels more lonely than I do.

Surfacing happiness is what my Mother encourages. Yet, at times, I sit here, full of beautiful thoughts? And portray unrealistic dreams, fantasy life, and impossible future.

I swear, darker sky will reveal soon, one head shake, and I’m back in the matrix.

An Angel Away

2011-12-20T13:56:00.001-08:00

The beginning of my vacation.

Certainly there are many things to do, vacation is only valued after many days of working hard and launching successful features for xbox.com :)

Woke up super early this morning, walked the trail a bit, smiling to myself, recalling what it was like last year on this same trail. Running, thinking, well, still you, still the same thing on my mind as if nothing has changed, but this time better than before. Progression of my life, here it goes, oh yes...

All dressed up, going to hit the store for a new pair of speakers, should the next thing be something a bit more exciting? Perhaps, a new game, an arcade game, a bath or find a new song as my next companion? Oh so many things to do in this world of mine, it is forever a busy bee, aw yes she is :)

Redmond, waking up to this busy street on honking cars, angry pedestrians, and relaxing elders, I am finally hitting a moment of appreciation for this Winter season. For sure, it makes things a bit better with some clubbing music in this little condo :)

I'M FREEE!!!! WOOt!!!!

Cookies are not maintained when auto redirect is turned on for HttpWebRequest

2011-12-07T12:38:00.001-08:00

I spent nearly two hours trying to make a request to a URL that had multiple redirects but kept on getting redirected back to the login page. Since auto redirect is default to true, I thought I didn’t need to worry about detecting for a 302 and then keep on making requests until done with 302s. Unfortunately, this will be a problem if you need to maintain session cookies between each request, these cookies are not carried over whenever there is a redirect. You’ll have to do the following:

Turn off auto redirect
Create a new cookie container and assign it to the request, make sure there is only one instance of the cookie container
Check for 302 until you hit a 200 or whatever else you are expecting here

I’ll post the sample code up here soon.

Armin van Burren–Youtopia

2011-12-05T12:36:00.001-08:00

Perfect morning start

Great song, great sound, great vocal, perfect combination to start off a day. Will be selected for early morning run, but man this month is really cold, should do it anyway, back to life discipline shouldn’t be hard, been there done that, sad that the sun doesn’t shine east for me anymore, new condo, nicer than the old one I left behind, but missing my little sunshine to wake me up early like the usual. Oh well, life adjustments, here we go again…

Goodbye Paradise

2011-11-30T19:00:00.001-08:00

Hmm…What a great way to start off with a sentence, you know

I had a nice walk around Redmond today, stopped by sushi’s 3rd day in a row, how is that for originality, same waiter, same food, it has not changed a single bit. Until this lifestyle changes, will promise to cook all over again, from Vietnamese spring rolls to home made traditional soups that no one has ever witnessed before.

I suppose growing up, stuff and things will alter or have they already? Could be bland at times. Like everyone else, I am another ant walking into the land of robotic corporations. Early mornings, I let society steal my soul, I followed the system, I played the games (literally), yet some days, things beg to differ.

20 something and soon to be ++. Each year, it’s a new beginning, also a pair of good byes to yesterday. There is a difference between dreaming and pretending's, but neither was achieved.

So here it goes again, history repeats itself, smaller than a city, smaller than a chair, all curled up thinking of another one to play out. Trying to figure out this life, this youth, all scattered along the highway, leaving music is the only companion. Of course, they found angels in colder blue sky, but still did not find paradise, it was only a false reflection of my wanting's and needing’s, and what was missing in my life.

Still Fixing

2011-11-27T11:37:00.001-08:00

Still fixing the css and all of the Javascript on here, going to try to get the layout at least completed by the end of next week.

In the meantime, here’s a song of the day.

Xbox.com Recent Players

2011-11-21T17:11:00.001-08:00

Xbox.com Social now displays your recent players directly in your friends page. You can view your recent players by going to http://live.xbox.com/friends

We display a max of 25 recent players that you recently played with.

Xbox.com Anonymous Profile View

2011-11-16T11:17:00.001-08:00

After the launch of www.xbox.com, today, I introduce you to the new anonymous profile viewing page, which does not require you to sign in. Meaning, you should be able to view someone’s profile without signing in xbox.com.

An example: http://live.xbox.com/profile?gamertag=chinarosesz

Meeting Autumn Again

2011-11-07T21:37:00.001-08:00

I haven’t written much in the past months, maybe one or two entries at most. The more I look at it, the more I don’t understand why, it’s the beauty of it, it’s what makes life a bit more interesting than usual, but also a murderer for both worlds.

Books, magazines, TV, images, have they portrayed a life that someone could possibly be practicing? living? Possible, for sure not long, not sustainable.

Ok…I am honestly done writing today, the weather doesn’t seem very poetic, darkness is all I see. This is not getting inside my head. Autumn is here, I’m supposed to have the longest entry, for, this season is a season of change. Maybe I should wait for morning when those leaves reveal their dyeing colors, falling slightly, sacrificing for new ones to arrive in spring.

Oh Autumn, you are more gorgeous than I thought, and when you go away, my life will remain the same until you come back and bring another change.

New Look and Feel coming soon

2011-10-03T23:38:00.001-07:00

As you can already see, it’s happening dynamically, whenever I find time after work that is

Today’s Women in Technology

2011-09-21T09:54:00.001-07:00

As her day was just ending, another phone call, another ring, maybe this one will change her mind, will take her for another ride that could perhaps change her life. She thought about it, she stared at the phone as it kept playing her favorite ring tone for her favorite people until it died out, she then stared into space, dreaming, fantasizing of the incredible things that could have happened if she was there, if she was just one inch closer to love, she would have had it, she would have accomplished it, to its fullest, but quickly, she turned it off, due to a another sound of text message, and another one, and another one, wanting to respond, give back what others are asking, requesting for social engagements, instead, she thought about a keyboard, if it was a keyboard, a real physical keyboard with keys, maybe motivation would increase, her fingers would quickly crave for the attention of touching those keys, "but oh darn it, it’s just a soft one", she whined, texting, blogging, typing, feels like half way through her dark side of life, leaving her in limbo land, causing pain and agony, screaming like a cry baby.

Disappointment after disappointment as technology is not meeting her needs, for, she has fought what she wanted, but fighting a battle that isn’t hers? It is hopeless, forget it, it isn’t worth it. She picked it up, yet another touch screen device, the iPad, walking slowly to the balcony, hoping to dream more of beautiful days on images.google.com, another one of white sand, blue water, clear sky, couple small boats, and surrounding coconut trees, there it is, she went off again, dreaming, hoping that one day it would be true, just one day, and another day, another way of getting there, with the right crowd, with the correct one, and at the right time. Her high set of expectations, they don’t like reality, and yes, it is true, dreaming is demanding, dreaming is what will get us there, at least near there, so then she keeps on dreaming, while the iPad is on her right and Windows Phone 7 Series is on her left.

3 Doors Down–Here Without You

2011-07-18T22:17:00.001-07:00

Used to be my favorite, now came right back on the radio :)

~ Camping ~

2011-05-23T18:43:00.001-07:00

Seriously, here I am at work, day dreaming about camping. hehe, not a bad deal after all, the mountains, the fire, and instant noodle soup vs my computers. Not exactly sure which is better, but for now, I would have to say camping beats work

Another awesome song.

Paul Cardall–Sacred Nature

2011-04-16T07:15:00.001-07:00

My Brother’s Wedding

2011-03-25T09:34:00.001-07:00

So … I am thinking of contributing something to my brother’s wedding, which is smelling around June/July. It’s either singing a song or playing a song. I don’t want this to be an optional goal, rather, it should be required, after all it is his special day. I was going through a list of songs that I could possibly and can play, found one, but looks a little hard for my level. Also, been on/off with my piano, unable to discipline and reserve time for musical improvement. Eh, not so good…

Great song I found months ago, I can do a few measures, so far so good. I should and should and should keep on practicing.

Back to Basic–Hopefully …

2011-03-22T09:33:00.001-07:00

I got 4 miles in today

Life discipline is tough, yet so rewarding

Edward Maya–Desert Rain

2011-03-20T11:55:00.001-07:00

I hate homerun.com

2011-03-19T09:14:00.001-07:00

Depressed today because I somehow signed up for homerun.com and now it's sending everybody on my contact list a spam email. I sent an email to homerun.com asking to deactivate my account. What a trouble!

Cold Rain

2011-03-10T00:34:00.001-08:00

I actually got home a little early today, early enough to write an entry before calling it a night. Hm..How can I really explain this? I keep on seeing the image of me running out to the car, hands covering my head until I’m safe from the rain. I guess I could do a better job explaining this scenario when I’m more awake in the morning, but tonight the rain is quite heavy, actually urging me to write about it. I suppose you could say this is perfectly wrong.

Finally, I made extra effort to call my mother more often. She understands almost everything I say in English, her English is better by the day, and so is her cooking, it’s always been perfect actually. I can count the number of bad dishes that she made in the past, mainly because I don’t eat tomatoes.

I have to apologize for not treating my body well lately, been missing my work out routine, this goes back to the behavior and the same pattern that I repeat every year. I am always too much and too focused on one thing only, forgetting the others, unable to balance my life in order to maintain long term investment in all areas. Short answer, I’m not well rounded.

Couple friends are leaving Microsoft and gone elsewhere. I should sync up, keep in touch, yawn, I suppose I can stop here for now.

Dry

2011-03-01T01:06:00.001-08:00

Extremely tired, but I managed to write another row of life. hehe, what the heck you know, why not. My eyes are pretty dried, staring at monitors non-stop and the problem is I keep on staring. Nothing exciting, just lots of text on an LCD screen, standard day to day at work. For sure, not as hardcore when I was taking my Computer Architecture class a few years ago…

I feel like a robot, up early, walk myself to the bathroom, freshen up, hop in my Honda, and another day is started.

I’m not exactly sure why I blog tonight about common routine of an American, must be super plain today. Honestly, come on Lila! There must be better ones than this. Pretty plain I know.

Well, one cool thing happened last week. The open source project is going well, we are releasing in March, hopefully hehe.

Ok it’s time, my inner god is calling, the bedroom it is. Good night world. Sorry for the non-sense blogging tonight.

4 Strings - Let it rain

2011-02-28T09:37:00.001-08:00

Aw good morning world

2011-02-26T09:59:00.001-08:00

A little late this morning, but awwwww Mr. Rod Stewart! Long time no see, such a relaxing song to start a day. Lots of smiles ++

Trackit

2011-02-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

date

activity

minutes

miles

temperature

Select All Of Me Baby!

2011-02-09T10:33:00.001-08:00

Who the WTF wrote this… Not only the source gets displayed on their website but the incompetence of someone who used select * should not be hired to write production code. I’m down for another cup of milk to bitch and slap the life out of stupidity when it comes to programming, including mine. I can never be a perfect programmer, darn it.

Ok here is a song from OneRepublic to sooth my anger for the day

Robert Miles–Children

2011-02-08T09:28:00.001-08:00

You were so good to me

2011-02-07T09:52:00.001-08:00

9:40, supposed to hop in my car and drive to work, but this song came up, singing the best lyrics, I can’t get off this keyboard to perform duty of a young professional woman. Too much entertainment at home, games after games, music after music, design after design, life is certainly busy when you are easily interested in meaningless activities.

I have to say I accomplished quite a lot yesterday, bought a chain for my pendant, a new pair of earrings, something more stable, a set of thicker white gold will stick around a bit longer hehe. Expensive but definitely permanent, we’ll see, I hope I chose the right one

Speaking of gold, I had a set when I was younger, my mother had them custom made for me, two rings, shape of a heart, represents love, the other, shape of a circle, represents circle of life, my pendant was a music symbol, a standard and boring looking bracelet that I never liked, and a pair of circular earrings, all yellow gold. I managed to wear them for 20 years, lost them slowly one by one, oddly, I can’t remember how I lost them. I wasn’t exactly sure why I had to wear jewelry when I was so young, I overheard my mother mentioned something about protection and gaining prosperity, of course I never believed in such irrational thinking, but they were definitely very beautiful and I do miss them a lot. I am trying to rebuild this set, but with white gold, somehow, it’s not the same. Perhaps, custom made jewelry last longer, or it was just more meaningful, thus I naturally valued them more.

Shoot, 9:49. I gotta run to work, I always try to make it in before 10. Today might be a failure.

An Internet Gurl

2011-02-06T19:22:00.000-08:00

I was born in 1998 using nocharge.com and and juno.net with only $10 per month. The Internet gave me my first name “VietHotGurl101”, after a few months of being active, from asking the dumbest questions to learning that this alias wasn’t so appropriate after all. I retired my original alias and gave myself a brand new name, a rather unique one that no one would have thought of, ChinaRosesZ, pronounced China Roses Z. Let us talk about her, she’s not Chinese, she likes roses (well who doesn't), and the Z was because her brother watched a lot of Dragon Ball Z.

She was immature, she didn’t know what she was talking about, she certainly was a learner, but always confident that she knew everything and everyone was stupid including her brothers, especially the one that listened to rap music and watched dragon ball Z everyday and hated her sailor moon websites.

Since she failed to become a pop star in high school and did not fit into any specific talented groups including the Vietnamese club. She found the internet, then HTML, even better she found the blink tag, her first title for her sailor moon website was <blink>Moon Power</blink>.

So then HTML was her love for a moment, she made multiple websites, some survived, some are archived, and some died. Finally, she went to college, it was between being professional and being ChinaRosesZ. As of today, she is still ChinaRosesZ but with an emphasis of sophistication and maturity in her life.

I hated ChinaRosesZ, she made so many mistakes, she was so immature, she was so emotional all the time, but I suppose she grew up, oh well. I still hate her :)

Five For Fighting–The Riddle

2011-01-29T17:27:00.001-08:00

Children Getting Older

2011-01-27T23:23:00.001-08:00

Only two cars left in the lot, some area so bright, some too dark, just like life, up and down, happy and sad, we all have those days. So quiet, not like the old days, full house, laughter of children and yelling parents. I am not exactly sure if number 27 really does it. Was it a year of learning, understanding, trying, striving, finished achievements?

Goals were met, but i could have done more, i could have made stuff and things. Instead of chasing shows, dreaming of the impossible, following rules, listening to the priests, giving tender love, being reasonable, I should have surrendered, go back to being chinarosesz, oh how i miss her. Small smiles again =)

Hah! Another bus passed by, so far I counted 3! So amazing but still lingering. The same thing, day in, day out, rinse and repeat, feels like a robot. I have to get out of my place, fully determined to finish my listed goods, a new pair of earrings, a new chain for my pendant. Aw, this world in my heart, I know I am home, I should let it run to me rather than chasing shows, perhaps a new strategy for 27++

My Stupidity > yours

2011-01-24T17:41:00.000-08:00

My impatient pattern, get well, run out, do stuff, get sick again. I now officially announce my sick leave is almost out and it's not even February. Your stupidity cannot begin to compare. Three times the prescriptions, I somehow "lost" them, two times seeing my doctor, ignored her advice, thought I was more right, well, this time, not so right of me. Should have listened after all.

wow, this must be the weirdest year, well, maybe not so much. For once, I thought I was fully recovering, went back to the office, a few days later, coughing goes right back to square one, even worse, runny nose and minor headache. This must the most depressing month, I've been blogging nothing but about my cold. In the last month or so, I could have done so much, made so many things, accomplished so many tasks, instead, I'm still waiting...

Went home on Sunday, first thing my mother said, "You lost a lot of weight, come, cough meds, and soup on the table", while she's cooking, dad is watching Fox News at the same time lecturing me on how I should move back home instead of living on my own. Seems like everyone's life is moving on in my family, while they were getting ready for a traditonal family meeting with the other family, I was fantasizing...again...knowing that it will never come true, yet, I keep on trying, hoping that one day, some day, it would happen, you know...the standard thing of dreaming. Perhaps, I'm really jealous.

I didn't have to attend this meeting, dismissed due to my horrible cold, though I was for sure dressed up for it, hehe, they would be tired of seeing me anyway. I wouldn't be focused, rather I would be too focused on something else. Something a bit more exciting than family to family exchange of formal goods.

Man, tonight, this one is going to be a long one. I could write forever, make up another story, why is it so bright in this living room, so many lights, but dear god, if there is even one around, I can't even get up and turn off this light. I could hear the sound of my mother feeling hopeless because she cannot be here to take care of me. My eyes are slowly closing, spell checking this baby, so not happening tonight, at least I didn't forget my html.

Damn it, another sneeze. Mother nature, what did I ever do to you. It's funny how staying home so much turned me into a creative blogger about my cold. Just awesome, another useless talent.

uh oh, it is kicking in, my eyes are slowly closing, dropping this phone, hitting the publish button. Here goes nap number 1.

Lionel Richie–Stuck on you

2011-01-23T21:09:00.001-08:00

Hm…

2011-01-17T23:17:00.001-08:00

Hmm..What should I write up tonight? It’s been pretty blank lately, I kind of like it. My toe is getting better and my coughing has dropped to almost zero, I no longer cough in the office. I tried to run for a little bit, failed horribly. However! I can walk the stairs, very happy to at least accomplish something this month.

Got a new game, a bit behind time, played Mass Effect 2, but not so into it. I need a new game or I can keep trying for few more days until I’m into it.

Salsa dancing class starts on Wednesday, sort of like first day of school. I’m a bit nervous but at the same time excited. Until my toe is 100% recovered, then I can get back into running, cancel salsa, a life without some daily routine is killing me. I must do something or else I feel uneasy.

Hmm...Time for bed. Good night world.

Circ–Destroy She Said

2011-01-17T19:13:00.001-08:00

Snow Angels

2011-01-11T21:20:00.001-08:00

yah!!! It’s snowing in Redmond today. This time, much more beautiful than last time. Been stuck at home for too long, this is definitely entertaining, and not only that, it’s so pretty

But darn it, I’m still coughing. Looks like it’s going to be another day or two. Going to call it a night early today. Man, I really miss being outside, mainly running. How much longer is this going to go on, this really blows.

Breaking Benjamin–Forever

2011-01-10T09:14:00.001-08:00

Favorite of all time, anytime

I love a perfect Hitman!

2011-01-09T10:10:00.001-08:00

Aw this is so cool. I’m watching another hitman movie and I cannot describe what else could be anymore perfect than this. Every single detail, every single assassination is done perfectly, with the absence of pain, with politeness, and with consideration. I mean, it’s hard to assassinate people in a good way, but a perfect hitman is rare to find. No hard feelings, but with loving and care before the job is done.

ouch..y

2011-01-07T18:52:00.000-08:00

Man this really blows. I have been sick on and off for the last month. Semi broken toe, a cold, still semi broken toe and now a new cold. This is amazing. Its like being trapped in a cage of sickness. Very thankful to have my 360 and my piano. Can life any sicker than this... I keep on dreaming about the beach and the blue sea water. Damn it, still coughing, back to reality. Time for nap number 3 before food is delivered :-)

How to set full screen in Windows Phone 7

2011-01-06T12:02:00.001-08:00

I’m trying to make my browser full screen. Would be nice if they have an API to set full screen on the Browser control, doesn’t look like it.

One way to get this working is to get the RenderSize from the Current Page. Below is the code being applied on the browser control. You can set the same for other controls.

// Set full screen
webBrowser.Height = this.LayoutRoot.RenderSize.Height;
webBrowser.Width = this.LayoutRoot.RenderSize.Width;

Impossible Sickness

2011-01-03T10:23:00.001-08:00

1/3/11, beginning of the year and I came down with a cold. This is impossible, it is new year, supposed to be good sign, dollar bills, pretty faces, new beginning, sweetness, money trees, positive wishes, good influences, and healthy body and mind. If I’m going to start with a cold, could be a negative sign. Aw man, this is like seeing a black bird.

Crutches

2010-12-30T07:46:00.001-08:00

Good morning world! Redmond has been snowing on/off, not able to make an inch or two to entertain my eyes, oh well

Damn it, I’m blogging about my toe again. Not because it’s done and over with, I might have to use crutches + wearing a cast. Instead of listening to my doctor to take good care of it. I did the unthinkable, well, excessive walking, shopping, swimming, and dancing. Word by word, she said “no excessive physical movements and that includes dancing!”

It’s been more than a month, my toe still feels the same, I can barely bend it, it still feels very stiff, as if the bone continues to be fragile. Now, I not only have a cast but a pair of crutches sitting in my car, waiting for me to put them on. I’m purposely ignoring them as if they don’t exist, but I think I’m committed to healing asap so I can get back into running. Aw man, if I was not so angry when playing soccer with my friend, this would have not happened.

Maybe Condos

2010-12-29T07:42:00.001-08:00

In the past year or so, I have stopped blogging about condos and some folks have been curious as to why. It’s not because I lost interest nor I don’t intend to purchase one, it’s because of the restrictions, the maintenance fee, and the new ones are always better. Condos come up so fast, every new one is always the current best one. Nowadays, we are attracted to open floor plan, open to below living room, loft style, and so forth. In about five years, I highly suspect that a new design will be developed, space efficient, more/less open depending on the current demand, and this is where a condo falls for me, I can’t alter or make heavy modifications to my floor plan that involves architecture renovation, meaning I’m STUCK. The same goes for townhomes.

I’m off the market for condos.

My Trip to Cancun Mexcio

2010-12-24T11:52:00.001-08:00

Mexico

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The Hotel
We stayed at a “5 star” hotel, all inclusive, meaning including food, drinks, activities for $1000 per person. Most people said we got a good deal for December. I was convinced until my arrival, the food was buffet style, all Americanized, greasy, oily, it made me feel like I was eating cafeteria food when I had a meal plan in college. Thumbs down for the all you can eat buffet. The whole time I was there, I ate a lot of soup, picked out bell peppers patiently in everything. They had some authentic Mexican food at the restaurant, but very oily…

Our room had an ocean view. We loved sitting in the balcony, chit chatting looking at the ocean, the sound, the smell, it was a wonderful experience. Unlike everyone, I usually wake up between 6 and 7, Sophia thought I was crazy, but it was nice to be able to sit and listen to the sound of those waves. Those were probably the best moments of my vacation.

When we first arrived, they lured us into attending a presentation. We thought it was a tour around their other resorts, turned out they tried to sell us vacation packages, timeshare, etc. After half an hour, we were very clear that this is not something we are going to commit, even tomorrow, next year, or perhaps next life. They finally took us back to hotel.

Blankets, sheets, pillows, TV, internet access, everything seemed uneasy for us. It was difficult to sleep on the pillows that they had, internet went on/off every two minutes. I was not satisfied with the hotel.

The People
They loved us. Everywhere we went, we were offered service, polite greetings, and everyone spoke English. We were treated just like queens. I felt uncomfortable and offered to take some parts of the service myself, yet we still tipped here and there.

You will find many locals walking around the beach trying to sell you cigarettes, sunglasses, or anything they can carry on their shoulders. I even saw a little kid selling cigarettes on the beach. As you can see, where you stay is not really what Mexico actually is. It is an image, a cover up, you can certainly tell the economy here is not stable.

The Beach
Out of four nights being there, I went to the beach three times, the best place when you’re looking for something different than Seattle. It never rained when were there, the temperature was about 85F. We slept on the beach, jumped in the water, went back and slept some more, and jumped back in. That was the best part. It was difficult for my toe, but the water was screaming for my name

The Club
Don’t go to the clubs. Don’t fall for the all inclusive drinks at these big clubs. The entrance fee is between 50 to 60 per person, includes unlimited drinks. We refused to pay that much just to go dancing. Instead, we walked around the area looking for a bar/lounge to hang out. The minute we got out of our car, promoters approached us and offered to get us in for free. We did not have to show ID nor did they ask for our age. All clubs in the area close between 5 and 7am.

The Cops
Woaw!!! The first time I saw an AK-47 in real life. Even traffic cops were carrying AK-47, not on the back, but right in front of their body. We saw them outside of Cancun when going for a drive outside of the resort area.

On the way back from clubbing, we were stopped by a traffic cop. He said we were speeding and wanted to charge us a fee. In the US, if you tried to argue or pull some tricks, your ticket does not drop, it only goes higher, my friend pulled some tricks and demanded a lawyer in the US before she wanted to pay a fee. He then asked for $200 in cash and he will let us go, great, we are dealing with corruption during our vacation. Sophia continued to demand to get a lawyer first, finally, he let us go.

Sightseeing
We rented a car, drove out of the resort area. We saw a lot of run down local shops, poor architectures, in other words, the real Mexico. We drank Coconut juice, visited the Pyramid ruins. Since the ruins were treated as a tourist place, they charged us just about everything, parking, entrance fee, even taking pictures cost money! There we met a lot of interesting people, from all over the world, we had some great talks about Mexico. We drove back to Mexico, wanted to stop by a local shop rather than eating at the same buffet restaurant, but it was too late and we were exhausted from walking around the ruins. We wished to have another day for the ruins and local areas, but we had to take off the next day.

Next time
Buy tickets, book hotels, and definitely rent a car. No more all inclusive deals, these deals attract the standard, typical American family, couples, but healthy people would beg for the difference after they get there.

Do not go shopping in the tourist area, do not eat food there. They have Starbucks, McDonald, Outback Steakhouse, fancy malls, fancy sushi restaurants, I literally felt like I was in Bellevue Square. Take your car, drive outside of the tourist area, meet up some locals, talk to the people, get to know their lifestyle, get some real Mexican food. However, be prepared to face some dangers such as bad roads, bad drivers, and AK-47 cops.

Shampoo

2010-12-22T08:37:00.001-08:00

For once I actually respect something made from Pantene. This is thinking outside of the box. Instead of presenting the typical, tall, perfect blond looking women, they pulled together a short little drama between two competitive girls in music. One fully deaf, who plays the violin, and the rich, who plays the piano. Well done.

Waves

2010-12-22T06:57:00.001-08:00

Aw, 6:30 in Redmond is different than 6:30 in the morning in front of the beach. The sound of those waves, the smell of the ocean, how can one deny.

My trip was beautiful, I have some pictures to share, they will be up soon. I’m putting together a travel blog, my experience in Mexico, what not to do and what to do. Been caught up with playing Fallout Vegas

Training Toe

2010-12-09T16:37:00.001-08:00

Currently training my toe to be flexible. Now that it is almost there, the cast can be removed, I can walk, but my toe cannot be moved, it’s been straight for the last 2+ weeks. Training something to be flexible is no different than learning how to speak English. Man, this is tough.

This is the first injury that requires some training in order to bring back flexibility. I can’t wait to get back into running, I miss running.

Null Superman

2010-12-06T01:04:00.001-08:00

I’ve grown and changed. I’ve watched my friends grow and change. I still struggle with feelings and trusting my process, my path, my ways. I still feel afraid at times. Sometimes, I forget and try to control everything that is out of my power. Sometimes, I become obsessive and lose myself in a situation, but I catch myself, get up and try life again.

It is true some things haven’t changed, but things are constantly changing. I’ve realized that women have souls, and men have feelings. I understand society continues to alter us to be indifferent, to fight off obstacles, but it cannot change our spiritual beliefs, our emotions for one another, our sacrifices for each other, or rather, what has enabled us to continue life. I don’t know how much is too much, but there is never enough respect to give, there is never enough love to receive, instead we are choosing to practice selfishness, running after conveniences of instant satisfaction, only to create a messier mess than we already have, only to hurt another innocence to meet our short term needs, causing broken hearts, causing pain, then comes the unnecessary healing process. Some constantly give but don’t know how to receive. Some give until they are angry, exhausted and emptied of everything, and some give until they give up. We know this is an imbalance that one should not engage in, but we do it anyway.

There were times when I stopped thinking, I stopped feeling positive emotions, and I was left with rage, bitterness, hatred, fear, depression, helplessness, despair, and guilt. During my weakest moment, I tried to hide until I am capable of the fresh, the new, the clear, then I come out. At my weakest moment, what I thought would be there for me, spit me out like dirt. At my darkest hour, what I thought would light me up, instead shut me out. Until it becomes clear that there is no god to save me, no superman to protect me, and no angel to wipe my tears.

Sports Kinect Injury

2010-12-01T09:56:00.001-08:00

This is not a joke. Almost broken bone playing Football in Sports Kinect. I want to see how popular this baby gets returned in google search.

2010 Goals

2010-12-01T09:21:00.001-08:00

Checked – Got promoted
Checked - Lost 10 lbs
Checked – 30% increase in savings
Checked - Living room redesign
Checked – Bedroom redesign
Checked – Sewing room
Checked – New Piano
Checked – Finished playing Honor Him (Theme from Gladiator)
Checked – Delivered CoolAlbum to Softpedia
Checked – Visit at least one new place (Oregon Coast)
Failed – New car
Failed – Gamerscore 10000

Sweet Escape

2010-11-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

Very nice work today, with quotations around the sentence. Tried to sell my piano so I can get a better one, failed horribly. I priced it for 600, no one's responding, such a disappointment. I bought that thing for 1K, that's $400 loss in one year.

Looks like I will have to keep this baby around for another year before selling it. I really want another piano. Ok, this is when patience is required, which I have none.

Excited to meet up with a friend to go over the new piece that I'm going to try. "Sweet Escape" by Paul Cardall. This one is slow and sounds very tenderly. Definitely romantic and sweet. Totally love it! Excited! Excited!

Nelly–Just A Dream

2010-11-16T09:46:00.001-08:00

Disposable

2010-11-09T22:33:00.001-08:00

Man, tonight was tough. They got inside my head. Disposable, was the word I kept on hearing from the top of her lungs. Hands under my chin, ears listening, eyes staring, not even a single blink, wondering how this all played in her world. Such an impossible image in my head, somehow, perfectly clear that it’s very possible, unfortunately, very much so.

This woman isn’t just broken, but disposable, so she thought because he thought. My body turning left, wanting to listen more, but not really, wanting to believe that she was not reading such words about herself, strong, powerful, successful, yet crying and screaming inside. How is this a perfect combination. I still don’t know how.

Shielding in order to keep up with the innocence, living to fix their imperfections, what a life has it been and what a lie has it been.

Marriage vows, all broken for these women, but somehow, they find small happiness if they stay, but in trade for much greater pain.

Youngest kid on the block, and all I can only say is “Aw man”

Lifehouse–Broken

2010-11-09T18:53:00.001-08:00

Cut Off The Crave

2010-11-08T12:59:00.000-08:00

Think I'm done writing. The letter 'a' on my phone doesn't work anymore, have to double press in order for activation.

Autumn, my favorite season every year, hasn't changed a bit. Not just a season of dead and fallen leaves, or rather a season of change. It is what my mother keeps on telling me, and it is what my father keeps on making me to believe.

So be it, I went and bought some more interior design junkies from various stores, 50+ bucks spent on a few items, ouch, the stores I went to don't carry the best, but they do carry nice picture boxes with metal handle, great for all oldies in one place.

The sewing room is finally finished. I did a short cleanup, supplies all set and ready for more fix-up. Bought a skirt, too long, shortened it, under two minutes, came out very nice. The stitching is bad, would have been better but the thread was bought from a cheap fabric store. Next time, another decent fabric retail would do great wonder.

Now, what's next? The sewing room is finished, the living room is figured out, the bedroom is always perfect. I need a new laundry basket for the bedroom, something shabby to bring the extra coloring. Good thought for the day.

Ok, I changed my mind. Writing is good, helps me think of new ideas for interior design.

DJ Sammy - Heaven

2010-11-06T14:40:00.001-07:00

Road Them Off

2010-10-29T10:38:00.001-07:00

Another WTF to start off the day. A genius cut me off as I'm doing a 45 on a 35. Attractiveness rule #1, never cut off a lady who's running late for work.

Oh Bubble Tea

2010-10-22T02:02:00.001-07:00

A great day today. The morning started out with some memories from the past and thoughts from the present, brought pain and understanding, and so forth.

My morning run was not tiring, it’s getting easier but I do need more music on my phone. It’s a work in progress.

Work went well, xbox.com shipped, not many happy faces due to the new design. I admit, the new site can use some improvement for organization and simplicity. Our designers either got carried away or felt that more pictures and more content will drive more customers. Talking about Google here folks, less is more. Point taken? Of course.

Met up with a good friend of mine, an honest and straightforward woman, she made me noodle soup for dinner. I was definitely excited to show her some general tips on sewing and basic stitching techniques. The woman craved for some bubble tea and so did I. The drive must have felt good because sitting next to her, I began to figure it all out. It took me weeks to understand her harsh words because in the end, they were nothing but caring words.

We finally got our bubble tea crave met. We hit the road for another drive, had some great talk, dropped her off, then drove back to work to meet up with some folks for more work.

After dinner, everything felt so right, maybe the soup helped me spot where x was located. It was right here the whole time, why solve and look for x, when x was right here.

Thanks to bubble tea, I am a night-er again. Disappointed because Vegas is not available on Games for Windows Live. It would be forcing the nature of me to accept the 360 version, but what else can I do.

Jesus, it is 2 in the morning!

Xbox.com …

2010-10-20T02:53:00.001-07:00

Can’t sleep tonight.

2:30 AM

2:52 AM

2.57

CUIT in Visual Studio 2010

2010-10-19T23:51:00.001-07:00

Great success. I totally love it. Been using it on the side at home for UI automation, just for the sake of fun and personal entertainment. This stuff is very well implemented, much better than some of the frameworks I evaluated in the past.

CodedUITest or in short CUIT, is very well organized and architected. Internally at Microsoft, they had the add on version for Visual Studio 2008, a bit hacky to use, but the difference is little, now that I finally have my fingers on the final version, the extra work is not required anymore.

CUIT has an attribute that you might consider using when writing your UI test, [CodedUITest], which will initialize PlayBack and cleans up any UI resources after your test finishes execution.

You can choose not to use this attribute and stick with the unit test class attribute, which is [TestClass], however you will have to initialize and clean up PlayBack yourself. I find this handy if you have both CUIT and non-CUIT tests in the same class and you only want to initialize PlayBack for specific tests.

Regardless, I do miss Eclipse. I might consider going back for some Java development, sounds like a joke, but it could possibly happen. Who knows.

Erin McClarley – Pitter Pat

2010-10-17T12:05:00.001-07:00

Chasing after show

2010-10-16T10:48:00.001-07:00

Wow! It is a beautiful morning! Crashed early last night after having dinner with my best friend. We had some great conversations, discussed mostly about career decisions and various general talks. Our talks could go on forever until we crash at the restaurant, but things have altered for the both of us. She’s now a married woman, with a family to go home to.

As for me, I have grown out of it. It was a short period for me, fun times are slowing down, back to reality, back to what matters most in my life.

The three of us, somehow all come together, she moved far away, wanting to find something better than what Seattle offers her. Her struggles with finance, yet she continued to be happy, continued to make me happy whenever we are out. We both miss her, and waiting for her arrival in 2011.

Two of us are left, promising that we would stand by each other’s sides no matter what happens even though one is far away. We are set out to another challenge next year. Her accomplishments, I am still amazed today, a woman with so many potentials, so ahead of everyone. I am feeling nothing but admiration for her great accomplishments.

Both are set out to seek some new challenges, but me, what’s there for me but feeling like a little teenage girl. Running home on the weekend to see family, meeting up folks for lunch, dinner, and movies.

Have things progressed for me thus far this year? Not really, there were some ups and many downs, it took courage to walk away from uncontrolled situations. Some pain and agony were established. But some wonderful accomplishments too, accomplishments that many others were extremely amazed at.

A few more months, 2010 will be over, in a blink of an eye. I used to determine time, wanting to make it happen right away, but after 2010, I learned to let time determine me.

2009, nothing but fun, chasing after the shows, the beauty, the artificial days of you and I. 2010, facing consequences, moving back and forth after the shows, trying to forget consequences, learning to let go, learned mistakes from 2009, understanding them and enforcing maturity, no more open doors to the wrong ones.

2011, waiting for you patiently, day by day. Year of the Rabbit, another year of changes, but this time for the better only.

Gotta run for dim sum with some friend. Early breakfast in Chinatown, how indifferent for me.

No edit this morning, later gangstas.

Length

2010-10-13T08:31:00.001-07:00

This morning, I woke up, looked at myself in the mirror, revaluated myself, realized that I’m still short and still have some more growing up to do.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy the immaturity while it lasts. laugh it out loud.

Telephone Call

2010-10-12T23:56:00.001-07:00

22:49, very tired today. Accomplished quite a bit from work. Met some good women and had sushi for dinner. A phone call from a friend, talked for about an hour and laughed through the minutes.

I had my red sweater and black skirt on today. A bit sophisticated and cute looking, made me feel like a three year old again.

My hair is getting longer, miss the short bouncy hair I used to have a few months ago. This style looks somewhat more mature, I’m aiming for longer hair this year, past the shoulder, wavy or spiral curls, that would be an interesting experience. Autumn, season of changes, let this one be the first change.

Work is getting easier, lighter, tough work is winding down, more time for myself to write, to relax, the weekends are not as busy, but very lazy.

Seattle is very far away, every time a phone call to visit friends in Seattle, I then contemplate whether the drive is worth it, except when my dad calls, then the drive doesn’t make a difference, else he would get mad at me for not loving him enough.

Lately, I’ve been feeling mediocre. It feels right some days, but so wrong many ways. I don’t want to try anymore, I just want to give up. I might go for another drive, clear up confusions, reduce the stress, yet it’s still here.

Everybody has issues, how emotional and deep it is, doesn’t matter, it is an issue. If it’s not too painful, then it’s a long one. I have this pain that never seems to go away, everyday I pray and hope that it would just go away. Maybe it is a payment that isn’t finished yet. Karma? Can’t be, I’m wearing a bracelet that promises no bad karma from now on. It must be something else, regardless, I think I’m paying my deeds.

Eyes closed, hands together, legs crossed, find myself in a temple, quietness sets in, life seems so light, nothing else is the matter, it is like heaven.

Falling for Songs

2010-10-12T09:25:00.000-07:00

The rain is falling and the sky is calm
While this blanket trying to keep me warm
A cup of tea with some great songs
Maybe more will come along
But for now, two songs will do no wrong.

Lake Of Tears – Forever Autumn

2010-10-11T09:22:00.001-07:00

Food On The Street

2010-10-10T10:29:00.000-07:00

It is an addiction. You engage yourself in extreme need of attention seeking, which could be healthy, depends on the topic. Who knows, but only yourself can determine what is helpful and what isn’t.

A good example that I have found for those who simply observe, run after the riches, the bitches, the pimps, and the popularity, tend to drill down to one solo issue, desperation for happiness, but cannot bring these to themselves independently, so they use others to entertain and spice up their desperate needs.

It is only natural when one individual feels abandoned, an automatic constant return is to fight, win, and regain what was there before, but we are so blind to uncover the truth of who we are, what we need, and what we desire, and that is simply ourselves. We cannot alter another being, but we can alter ourselves because we can control ourselves better than controlling others.

Controlling, manipulation, of course, we have done this before, verbally, or physically. It is like swimming against the current, arriving or not, the experience is never pleasurable.

So what is it about change? I do believe I can change, and I have changed, growing up is changing, killing bad habits is changing, learning to be more mature is changing. Admit the wrongs, enforce the rights in your life is changing. We can all do this, we can simply change.

Today, I declare a change in myself. I confess my faults, my mistakes, and my immaturity. I am thankful for this power, the ability to acknowledge that I am wrong and that I can change. This power is what keeps me moving ahead in life, and not staying the same.

My faults for many years, I used to think the world revolved around me, my father played an overprotective role model, catered to my needs, breakfast, lunch, dinner, all provided from top restaurants, drivers picking me from school, math tutoring, unlimited friends, unlimited access to extra classes that other kids dreamed of having. I had no enemies, I did not know what it was like to feel abandoned, hungry, and selling food on the street after school to make ends meet.

I was an innocent, unfortunately, a very clueless innocent. I’m glad things have altered, broken family, financial drop, market not the same, struggles we faced, then, I learned and yearned respect on my own, it is a change, and I am changed.

Autumn Rain

2010-10-09T23:23:00.001-07:00

Redmond rains heavy tonight. After a full day of crazy activities, driving around, shopping here and there, it is so good to be home.

Nothing feels as good as home. Silence is needed right now, absence of humanity is clearly desired at this moment. All came in so perfectly.

Perhaps, I should journal up some interesting stories to keep the night busy, or another movie until I drop the remote control and crash like a bee.

Must write from the heart, must do it now. It is so difficult when my mind isn’t focused, must think from the heart. This sort of writing does not require the mind. Hm…Could be the wrong song, next.

I know there are better days, and there will be, and today is a better day. Strong rain drops, revealing a thousand lies. Dusty trees, dusty lives, oh rain, will you sweep them all away.

Very nice, totally love this, so 90’s Boz II Men. Haven’t heard this song for a while, but I did ace singing this on Lips.

Yawning, yawning, this is my 5th time. Sounds like an early crash for tonight. Usually 1ish or 2ish is the right time for me on a Saturday, but not tonight. The rain is too nice to stay awake.

I guess I am weird, keep on blogging about the rain, as if it is my second nature. Who would ever thought I grew up to love the rain more than the sun. Something is wrong with me in the heart.

Alrighty, closing this tablet, sleeping on the sofa, peace out world.

A dysfunctional social atmosphere (facebook)

2010-10-06T19:07:00.001-07:00

I have never been a fan of social networking, have never wanted to add friends, or uploading photos for the rest of the world to see. The list goes on, but I should lay them out here for everyone to see. And then a few questions at the end to trigger your soul searching a bit.

I don’t like social networking. In high school, I was a quiet girl, hit by the American culture, confused about football team and cheerleaders, I decided to stay in my own world. I continued the same in college. I avoided any sort of communication period, so then the bird is out, the cage is open, Facebook is introduced, pressured by friends to have an account. Account was created, then the following activities started for no rational reasons.

Post pictures online to share with “friends”
Update meaningless status to gather attention using one liners
Liking other people’s status to give them a boost of self ego
Sharing funny and hilarious comments, presenting self in a way that is difficult to present in the real world
Adding favorite activities, but I barely execute on them.
Accepting friend requests from those I only talked for 5 minutes
Keeping in touch with friends and family faraway

While practicing the life of disciplines and healthy activities. I am going back to observing my behaviors and what fb has done for me. Let’s list a few.

Friends tag me in attractive pictures, oh yes, they are very attractive, all dressed up, with my superwoman dress, light makeup, a step away from the car, then there would be pictures taken from behind, from the side, and from the top, this is called friends taking pictures of each other so they can tag each other online. The game keeps on going, and I foresee this is not going to stop.

“Lila is feeling sick“ Two hours later, about 8 to 10 responses of “Get well soon” and “Drink orange juice”, I realized that I am being loved after all, how come all these years my “friends” never showed any of this until I’m on facebook? This is interesting, I’m liking this already.

“Yo, Lila, we party it up on Capital Hill, meet you tonight, don’t be late”, What happened to calling the telephone so you can hear my wonderful voice, did that suddenly go down the drain and now facebook is your new voice?

Sending private facebook messages when emails can be used with full complex HTML format and the ability to add attachment, oh wait, viewing email header too, that’s always neat. Geeky talk, but yes, I do occasionally look at the email header.

On and on, I could go forever with all the hilarious and silly moments on Facebook that I have had, but let me put a stop to this and think for a second. What have this all gained for me? A better career? A better personality? A better friend? A better “networking”? A better way to look good and healthy? A better writer? A better singer? A better pianist? A better coder? A better speaker? A better daughter? A better relationship with my friends? Or more importantly, a better Lila? I don’t think so, I sat down, with my 3rd cup of tea, answering these questions, and said to myself, Facebook provides nothing but a stable and dysfunctional social interaction amongst each other, which probably contributes to many miscommunication between peers, social breakups, and soon divorces.

I want to reduce my usage of facebook, so here is my paycheck to those who will miss !Lila’s presence on facebook. I introduce you the new and improved version of my notFacebook profile picture and my long and boring status update, which only serves one purpose, and that purpose is for myself.

Still You

2010-09-30T22:28:00.001-07:00

Not too cold, not too warm, a bit chilly. Half moon again, how pleasant, Redmond, so quiet, so still.

Something beautiful, soft dim lights, small city view, some music, keep this mind in tact.

Growing up, learning to be myself, step by step, you are always here.

My failure, my success, my immaturity, my incorrect actions, my uncontrolled emotions, yet you are still here.

Watching me growing up, your laughter, your yelling, your anger, your lectures, were all worth it.

I’m heading out once more, you see, I will make of it.

This highway, so many broken lights, difficult to see my way home.

So far, yet so close, but I will get there.

And my greatest in life, is still you.

Basshunter - All I Ever Wanted

2010-09-30T11:57:00.001-07:00

DHT – Listen To Your Heart

2010-09-29T11:05:00.001-07:00

Goo Goo Dolls – Better Days

2010-09-28T09:35:00.001-07:00

Daughtry – Feels Like Tonight

2010-09-27T09:18:00.001-07:00

Early morning I hear

2010-09-08T09:56:00.001-07:00

Same time every time, no changes, even though my body crashed at 10:30pm after a late night run, 7:30 was the determined time for my internal body.

Lately, things have been shifting a bit, I chose not to write as much, not because I don’t want to, but because of busy events that take me away from my own world. A Vegas trip, two weddings, and a brother going back to Vietnam consumed the majority of my time.

This month, I am determined to get back on track, move those legs, back to the norm, give them a good start again.

Morning writing, I love this, the music is just right, I need more moments like this.

Lunch with a friend today, her birthday, taking her out to an Indian restaurant, then off to a doctor’s appointment, which is a bit exciting. I’m excited to give her my status, excited to show her my progress, she would be happy. Her previous homework assignment wasn’t difficult, but it helped me in so many ways, not a big change, but small changes that could alter a bit here and there, and eventually, will be everywhere.

Alrighty, back to work.

A long drive

2010-09-07T17:39:00.001-07:00

Perhaps things arent the same anymore. I miss, I need, and I must have you. The protection, the warmth, the long drive of you and I, how can I take my mind off your wise eyes. With my father's acceptance, with my mother's agreement, you vowed to protect me since 1999, the power of v6, one cannot deny...I love you...my green Honda Accord!!!

CoolAlbum

2010-07-19T20:10:00.001-07:00

Finally, one of the apps I wrote many years ago made it to Softpedia http://www.softpedia.com/get/Authoring-tools/Digital-Album/CoolAlbum-project.shtml

Fun times.

Happy birthday

2010-07-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

Even though the moments passed me by
I still can’t find a way
To apologize

You dived into nowhere
Did you lose yourself out there?
Did you become a star?

The past is always here so don’t travel too far
It’s lonely where you are, so come back down
And I won’t frown again

I promised you

2010-07-17T00:57:00.001-07:00

Relatives, family, and friends. Per your request, this is what I have turned myself into since 1995. Any negative features on my face or body, blame it on American unhealthy diet. There are days I would spend hours hunting for food that has no corn syrup…

All the left moves

2010-07-17T00:46:00.001-07:00

Yet another painful night. My eyes are tired, but these knees are screaming for attention. They woke up me up, asking for a short little walk, some music so I can forget.

Writing as much as I can so they go away. Find another song, not the same song, something different, something that changes my current mood. It is not happening, it is not working. I can feel it, I need to keep writing, keep moving, turn right, turn left, more pain killers, yet nothing has changed in the last hour.

I hate the cold weather, feels like a thousand knives stabbing at once with speed of light.

I need to stop, maybe read a book, maybe shower again, or just pretend the pain doesn’t exist.

Oregon Coast Take 2

2010-07-16T03:04:00.001-07:00

Between Oregon Coast version 2.0 and work, I chose work. For one second, let’s sit back and think, this is not a sad affair, this cycle will break and I will swing back to balance.

I left work late again, not because I have to work, but I want to work. My body and mind function like twins, I must be productive, even if it is interior designing, or walking around the living room back and forth until the caffeine wears off. I drank coffee today, I wanted to test how late it would keep me up. So far, looking at the clock, it’s doing a pretty good job. I am thankful these knees are not screaming for attention tonight, which is heavenly blessing.

It is mid summer, Autumn and Winter will be a blink of an eye, that’s when they come and they come faster than I know it. It is difficult to explain, it feels like a million of crawling dead animals trying to pull my legs and elbows in half. Each winter gets better, if and only if I keep it steady, make it consistent, and never miss a day.

I am determined to track daily activities, not because I want to lose weight, not because I want to look good, not because I need to be Asian skinny, but because I want no pain.

Running away from conflicts, hiding from various entities, becoming oblivious, or purposely acting ignorant pretending matters do not exist, these only contribute to higher frustration that need to be stopped.

Nightmares, I had couple last week. They were very unpleasant, rather not speak much more of this, in fact, desperately trying to forget them. This coffee is finally wearing off. What are the chances of success for tomorrow’s running? Just look at the clock and making my own bet. Answer is, extremely unlikely. Bummer me.

Oregon Coast

2010-07-05T23:38:00.001-07:00

Bad campsite, but the beaches were beautiful, nothing can compare, well maybe I do look better than one of the beaches we visited.

Oregon Coast, numerous activities that one can do. Three days and two nights were simply not enough, and I plan to come back if opportunity permits me. This is truly a perfect place for countless activities in one day.

Minus the crazy drinking, we visited Cannon Beach, Oceanside Beach, Rockaway Beach, and Seaside for fireworks. These places were extraordinary, much better than Banks Lake, where we camped out last summer.

I have to log these places in case of any possible future visits.

Sadly, I was too irresponsible to take any high quality pictures for these adventurous events. Friends uploaded them to facebook but I’m never a fan of facebook pictures as they are so horrible to look at, plus the low quality, I could bitch for hours about it.

Cannon Beach
Some folks were swimming even though the water was cold. We bought a kite and took turn to fly it. I came in second for kite flying because I made my own kite when I was 8 years old! Previous experience helped a lot.

We ran out of time, but what I really wanted to do was jump in the water and go for a short swim. The weather wasn’t perfect, yet the beach was nearly packed, this was definitely the place.

There were a lot of shops, vacation homes, hotels, local road activities, everything was packed there. If you’re up for anything at night or during the day, they have it all.

Oceanside Beach
We partied here. It was cold and windy , we made another giant fire, did some social gathering until 2am before going back to our campsite.

Rockaway Beach
This beach had the least visitors, but interesting enough, it was my favorite, we made this stop for about 30 minutes, my friends took countless pictures of this place because of the clams and muscles they had there. I could see myself running back and forth for six miles straight. We should have spent most of our time on this one.

Seaside
Seaside also has a beach, but I couldn’t remember the name. The fireworks took place here. The beach was not that impressive, but the fireworks was worth it to make it on my list.

Cheese Factory at Tillamook
About 20 minutes away from our campsite, you can try unlimited cheese. I skipped out as I’m not a big fan of cheese. But after looking at the pictures from those who wanted to go, they had more than just cheese and ice cream, they had some interesting events, people, and small shows. Darn it, should have gone…

Links
http://visittheoregoncoast.com/
http://www.cannonbeach.org/

Life on a tangent

2010-06-29T21:39:00.000-07:00

Not sure why I made this, but I made it. It’s here, might as well look at it…Holy moly, speaking of boredom…

Tired and sleepy

2010-06-21T23:28:00.001-07:00

I don’t know why I’ve been so tired lately. The energy seems to be draining or leaving elsewhere and I can’t find it.

I’ve been wanting to get some work done, but instead, I tend to run home and take long naps.

Last night was tough, the pain in my knees kept me up until two in the morning. It was so painful that I had to get up, walked around the living room, half screaming at my knees, and half crying until it would get better. An hour later, I had to apply the natural green oil, restarted Pandora, and fell asleep on the sofa next to Hello Kitty.

I have been off topic a bit lately, it’s been almost two weeks and I ran only four times. I do increase my physical activities by parking far, take the stairs everywhere, but apparently that’s not enough. My doctor said if I do this long enough, the pain would go away permanently. I can’t continue to depend on the oil even if it’s natural. So inconvenient…

Father’s Day, I bought him tickets to see clowns in circus. I remember those nights, he was so strong, so tough, stayed up and fought with me when they came. He found the best doctor in Vietnam, after two years of herbal medicines from various sources, I felt absolutely no difference, yet he kept trying.

I came home on Sunday, sat next to him, and watched a replay of a soccer game with him. The man is still making bets with his friends up to this age, I’m just glad he bet 20 bucks and lost 20 bucks so far. As usual, I would kiss him on the cheeks, ran downstairs, put on my shoes, hopped in the car and drove back to Redmond, but last Sunday, he did seem to look a bit older to me. Half way through the stairs, I turned around, looked at him for a bit, even though the man was happy watching the game, I didn’t know how to describe the feeling, maybe I was scared, scared to see them wrinkles on his face…

This month, I drove to so many places. I hit Fish Lake, Wenatchee Lake, Leavenworth, Stanwood, and camped out. The scenery has not changed much, but every time I drive there, I am always in awe when passing by a river. We tried to look for a site next to the river, of course, something like that you’ll have to reserve a month ahead in order to get a good spot. Regardless, I got to see Fish Lake again but didn’t get to do any activities as it was raining the next day.

The drive back home was not as pleasant due to the rain. For some odd reason, as I got back into the city, I totally forgot how to drive, felt a bit weird to go from roads with trees, mountains, birds, and rocks to roads with coffee shops, grocery stores, and McDonalds.

Uh oh, 11:28 already, gotta hit the bedroom and get ready for tomorrow. Need to be productive. Good night world.

Hanging you up

2010-06-15T09:47:00.001-07:00

Another project completed. Wave to the future for my next generation picture frame, where the fires go wild and the children grow high. WTF. Point is I am jabbering meaningless words and sentences out of happiness and accomplishment. Anyhow, it is just too amazing because I saved myself 50 bucks from buying a custom frame, money saving, hard work rewarded, and the soldiers are crying happy tears.

One year of arts and music school in Vietnam can make a person somewhat creative, unfortunately, not extraordinary in anything particular. I’ll just be thankful for the 8-hour day class my dad signed me up for, otherwise my checking account would do another minus for interior design. In other words, holy crap, I do have some expensive hobbies. Not that I am a cheap person, but I am totally up for cheap interior design, don’t know why, don’t know how, guess it’s more fun that way, otherwise, you won’t get to make anything for yourself.

Supplies: Fabric, scissors, painting, cardboard boxes (2), pins or thumbtacks, and tape

Tape the two cardboard boxes together, this creates some thickness, makes it look like a frame with depth. Of course, we all want to see depth, correct?

Cover the cardboards with fabric using pins. Make sure the pins are not longer than the thickness of these boards, else you’ll poke yourself while hanging it up the wall.

Turn it around, it should look something like this. Once you have a foundation, you can put anything on top of this fabric. I was thinking about adding buttons, some lace, some fake flowers from the crafts store, some leaves, etc. maybe this will be my next project, but for now, its main purpose is to be the home of the Vietnamese painting.

Take the painting, pin it down. You can sew them together since this is a fabric painting, I chose to be lazy and just pinned it down. I don’t have a picture of what it looks like in my living room yet, but it is hung up. I spent about half an hour hanging it up due to height difficulties, but it’s up! Woot!

Need you now

2010-06-10T02:26:00.001-07:00

2am, I don’t have any stories made up, I don’t have anything but listening to the same song over and over again. My life is so repetitive, so consistent, as if nothing has changed much in the last year or so.

ok fuck this, I’ve been writing this line over and and over again, erased, wrote, erased, wrote. What the heck is wrong with me, I shouldn’t have to use backspace when doing freelance writing. It is a blog, it is my blog.

This song, definitely needs some credit, how can you deny this line? “It’s a quarter after one. I’m a little drunk and I need you now”

I am thoughtless, my mind is pretty empty today, for some reason, not being creative like I used to be. hmm…this could be a good change, I suppose. I literally ran out of stories to write, I already finished my Ada stories, most of them aren’t up, but oh well, I’m not going to bother with the syncing problem between my phone and this computer. It is too much work. One of these days, I need to format this sucker, that also means never.

Speaking of “one of these days”, the truth goes for checking my mail box, it’s been two weeks since I checked the mail, why do they have to put them so far away from my apartment complex, bad designers, someone was either being really cheap or did not think this through. Oh well, dumb designers, if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be here complaining and bitching…

Alrighty soliders, the clock hit 26 already, gotta get some beauty rest, not sleeping on the sofa tonight, maybe another day. Later gangtas.

Living Room Redesign Update

2010-06-06T23:17:00.001-07:00

Woot! So, my sad looking camera is finally no longer looking red, it is now green, and pictures are up. I would have to say I am about 70% done with this living room. A few things that are not completed:

In front of the entertaining center, the wall is extremely naked, this seriously needs work. I have a drawing shipped from Vietnam, painted in fabric, I repeat, in fabric, not in paper. One slight problem, the dimensions of this picture is not standard, so I have to make a visit to Home Depot and look up on how to make a custom picture frame. Stay tuned for this, this picture will be up in no time.

Fuck, I can’t find my before picture. I swear it was uploaded…This is not a joke, the point of blogging this is to see progress from before to after, you know just like those interior design shows where they do the before and after scenes. Anyhow, here is an updated version of my living, this is the best angle that I could find. After spending about ten minutes looking for the before picture, I decided to give up, I’ll just describe the changes. Basically nothing has changed much except that the computer desk is now in the living room, and the bookcase is moved next to the dining room. I have very good reasons why they are where they are, I sort of explained it in previous entries.

After

Closer to Love

2010-06-05T10:04:00.001-07:00

They are coming, yet I chose to sit here and write another entry for the morning. Slept on the sofa hugging Hello Kitty with Pandora running for a few hours. I ended up crashing a bit late, but the sun woke me up at the exact same time every morning. I love not having an alarm clock, just like my father, he never needs an alarm clock to wake up at the exact same time. My father used to be in the military, either do it and get it done, or not do it at all. He has always been tough on my brothers, always been his way of making them stronger. With me, it’s always been the opposite, over-protects me, doesn’t believe I can do anything on my own, most times enjoys scaring guys away, fun times, high school and college hours, never want to go back, but they were good memories.

I am speechless, staring at a picture frame in front of my desk, not knowing what to write next. Jewel is on with one of my favorite songs “Drive To You”, she is quite a talent, still going strong, still moving forward with her music. I really respect her work, a woman who cares about her career, her self worth, and her dignity, the same thing I believe in.

Uh oh, they are here, gotta run out for the day. Closer to the woods, closer to nature, closer to love even if it’s a few hours away. Later gangstas.

Friday Night Solo

2010-06-05T00:43:00.000-07:00

I was going to take a picture of my interior redesign, but my camera ran out of batteries, it’s now sitting here staring at me as if I did something horrible to it.

Friday night, what a night, I chose to stay in, not going out tonight. I do miss dancing, the last time I was out dancing was for my friend’s birthday party. That was quite a night, the regular gang putting on a show, acting childish, making countless jokes, and trying act like we were black on purpose for the sake of stereotype.

The night where I had couple shots, dancing next to Yuni, and then bumped into my high school friend, where she was with her new boyfriend. I can’t even remember her name anymore, she used to live two houses away from me, we were “tight”, this word somehow doesn’t sound right to me anymore, maybe I am getting older, wiser, or too mature for my age. Totally untrue, I act, most of the time, like a little kid, but with a mature set of values, that usually surprise people when engaged in formal conversation of cultures and differences.

Here’s a secret, I can only write when listening to R&B, rap, and dance music. I tried to write with meaningful and slow songs, that worked like shitty wonders, sentences are off topics, and shit just don’t fucking make any sense. My fingers move much faster when hearing the beat of music flying with speed of sound.

Solo it is, because tonight is the night that belongs to me. It is for me, and nothing else. I was going to modify my shorts, they do look cute on me, I love fixing clothes and make them look a bit interesting. Speaks up colors, you know…

WTF, this song is so wrong, next…please.

Work went well today. I got everything completed for this week, the minute I stepped into this house, everything felt so calm. Kitchen is empty as always, definitely need to change that. But the living room, it is better looking by the minute, mainly because I put so much work into it. I love this living room, this night view, the rain, oh please, don’t stop falling. I could fall asleep easily if you keep doing your job.

So solo tonight, so focused on my current project. Living room almost completed, next is the sewing machine room, and then the kitchen.

My crafts work is set to start next week once I have this sewing room set up. I can make some picture frames, sounds like a solo plan for a few weeks. Please rain, keep falling, keep it steady, or keep it heavy because I need sleep.

Calling it another night of no edit,

~Good night gangtas

Desk Project

2010-06-01T09:44:00.001-07:00

Desk in living room, enables the mind and body to be exposed to natural sunlight. Makes working faster, music flows better, and the soul goes slower.

Before:

The bookcase is to be moved behind the dining table, sitting in the corner. After pictures will be up, stay tuned.

Sleepy Vietnamese writer

2010-06-01T01:06:00.001-07:00

Not sure why tonight is another night of feeling sleepy, yet wanting to write about…about…really nothing. Tonight is a no edit night, write, publish, write, and publish.

This song is fucking awesome. Chinese melodies, makes me want to get up, sing, dance, and bring back those innocent young performances. Time flies by so fast, so what, it happens.

I should be thankful my mother is not here to complain, “Lila go to bed, it is past midnight”. I enjoy the freedom, but I also miss the restrictions, it keeps my life healthy. Even my friends admit that I need to take care of myself, wasted moments writing about, again, about absolutely nothing. I could go on like this forever, and nothing gets accomplished.

How many games are there for me to play? Silent Hill, Alan Wake, Resident Evil, and many more scary games await me, but I keep them there because I love them all, but I am too scared to play a single a bit of them. I admit, this is one of my fears, besides hiding from people, I am also scared of playing horror video games. It gives me nightmares, scary thoughts, spaghetti thinking. If one of these days I can overcome this fear, be able to sit down and play a scary game all by myself without screaming, then any other fear would be a piece of cake, I hope…

Ah craptacular, next song. This song is too happy, too happy that it sounds fake. Why the mother holy moly do I even have this song on my playlist. Where is that freaking delete button again? Did I not mention that tonight is no edit night? No grammar check, no censors, that’s correct, inner self speaks with unpleasant words. This is nothing compared to those who use fuck as a space or comma in their sentences. I am too conservative, should I be more lady like and delete every fucking single swear word on here? Or should I just be myself and give it another shot of endless writing of absolutely nothing again? I think I chose the later.

It is 1AM exactly, and I have to exercise tomorrow at 8am. Must seriously stop writing, I need a good day tomorrow. Got some interior design work to do, so many things to do, so many excitements. The numerous projects I have on my list is rather exciting and challenging. Keeps my creative mind going.

Someone please call me or text me with FIVE words “GET THE FUCK TO BED!”. I am so used to having my mother telling me to go to bed. Living by myself so…so…disables that portion of me. I am too sleepy to think properly, too lazy to get up from this desk. Someone please pour water on me

Saigon Secrets

2010-05-31T23:56:00.001-07:00

www.saigonsecrets.com

My younger brother who stayed and lived in Vietnam for half a year, mainly to learn and analyze the crazy and busy markets of Saigon. I wasn’t quite sure what the end result would be after his trip was over, but amazingly enough, he published an ebook that shows you various ways to optimizing your travel so you could save time, money, stress, and the frustration of dealing with price bargaining. Now, how interesting is that?

Besides his work and mysterious ways in operating everything, my brother and I are two separate believers in life and society, yet we share one common goal, and that is doing whatever it takes to make us happy, even if it is writing about it, being poetic about it, being stupid about it, or whatever it is that we must do until we finally get to the answer even if the answer is “no answer”.

We don’t believe in making sacrifices. We don’t tolerate others’ behaviors that ultimately make us feel unhappy or miserable at the end of the day. We try to work things out, we give chances, we give opportunities to those who make us feel uneasy or sad, as much as we give ourselves opportunities to fix our own mistakes, in other words, equal employment opportunities for everybody.

We keep the goods with us, and perch the bads an the uglys away from the system. It may sound generic, it may sound a bit too harsh, it may sound too deterministic, but it is a weapon, more than a strategy, that we use to meet our only one selfish goal. And that goal, ultimately, means happiness for ourselves, so debate or not, is it really selfish?

Fuck, I am so sleepy, so this one is a no-edit publish…See you later gangstas.

Wish I could

2010-05-16T16:25:00.001-07:00

Wish I could stop by so I can say Hi
Wish I could stop by so I can make it right
Wish I could stop by so I can keep you mine
Wish I could stop by so I can apologize

Chemical

2010-05-05T11:35:00.001-07:00

Can you feel this chemical reaction? This hideous attraction? Could this be so positively awful? Could I stay in love forever?

Could this rain keep on falling, crashing on this cement, this parking lot, this ground I run on? Could this natural and musical rhythm from the sky make life anymore wonderful than I wished for?

So, rain on me and let me feel this chemical attraction.

Baby

2010-05-02T13:53:00.000-07:00

"I'm sorry baby", she said. She wants what's best for him, she wants him to be happy, she wants him to find his own smile. She cannot be with him. Her reasons are unreasonable, even the best debater cannot find logical answers to these mental determinations.

It's quite cold here. I want it to be warm, like being with you, like being with the one you love. I love you baby, but I have to let go and take life as it is. I want life to hit you rock bottom, I want it to pain you with unpleasant moments. I cannot do it for you anymore, you are on your own baby, and I believe you can do it, do it for me, do it for yourself, and do it for your life.
I would cry and die for you, baby. I would do anything to save your life, baby, and I wouldn't do anything to save your life too baby. Today, I chose not to so I can save your life, baby.
Love Ada 95

Five years with Ada, Cube Root is blank with no directions. She left him odd feelings, challenging ways to resolve his own issues. She termed it, exactly just for him, exactly just like Ada 95.

Burden

2010-05-01T19:57:00.000-07:00

A woman's burden is no man's burden. It is filled with caring, loving, and unconditional circumstances. Her heart is a symbol of infinity, as wide as an ocean, where no man sees no end. She would nurture, comfort, and be the blanket for her lover. She would kill, sacrifice, compromise, and die for her babies.

A woman's burden cries many endless nights for her husband, her children, and her country. A woman's burden cannot be carried by another woman, it is she, whom is tied to the long slur of burdens.

I respect and appreciate a woman's burden. I respect and appreciate my mother's burden, and I too, soon, will have to carry a woman's burden.

Location: Restaurant
Gadget: Dash 3G
Date: This month while eating dinner independently

Killerz

2010-04-23T17:49:00.001-07:00

Dollar bills under my yellow mattress
Doing 90 on a 65
Cops chasing my ride
Why you wanta count mai money?
This city is a finite
My friends from New York don’t call
My friends from LA don’t care
My family from here don’t know
So why you wanta count mai money?

Meet Ada 95

2010-01-05T23:18:00.001-08:00

Another day with no goals or clear directions of life. I agree, quite depressing to start a sentence. This isn't exactly enthusiastic. It must change, of course, for the better.

Exciting moments, beautiful people, beautiful days, I just can't fit in. It is an illusion for me, a dream I partake with these fantasy characters. I see no directions, I feel no hopes, or even worse, I lost my faith. I need simplicities, yet with meanings and care.

"Ada, It must stop!”, I remained silent as she finished complaining. It is not her fault, her world is different than mine. She was a beautiful woman, but living a dream of impractical sceneries and blue sky wonders. So unrealistic, so irritating, so unlike me…

The leaves are still falling, yellow, brown, or a mixture of both, performing their greatest strength to maintain their shape and size, quite elegant, nothing can compare to such beautiful and colorful creatures. I am in awe of nature, in awe of this place. Independence has captured my soul. No existence can alter that unless it is wanted otherwise. I enjoy these moments, I enjoy this life, I don't like to call it poetic because it is not and I am not. I call it silence with a composition of time. Let it be, let my mute moments tick tock for a few seconds then I'm back to reality. Debate or not, it is not worth it.

"Food is ready…", she spoke while stirring up the soup. I need five more minutes, another five to conclude these thoughts. She's not speaking and I’m thinking faster than usual, I wrapped up the remaining and fled straight to the kitchen. Who must that be on the sidewalk? Geisha, beautiful and intelligent, the opposite sex would kill each other to walk besides her. Why so quiet standing in a group of five? Another cigarette? She needs to quit...

Square Root, a good friend, very handsome, very bright, very perfect. Geisha should meet Square, combination of beauty and intelligence, this is what I call a perfect square. Cube Root, smiling to myself when thinking of him, very odd man, impressive mind, a bit complicated now and then, however, quite charming. “ADA! THE WATER IS BOILING!”, great, another bad mojo. I should prepare to gulp down more lectures about responsibility and maturity from mother.

Speeding 75, letter on table, I am jetting like an airplane in the sky.

I see black, you see white. I turn left, you turn right. I believe in nothing, you believe in something. I am hopeless, you are hopeful. I believe in dark clouds, you believe in blue skies, but somehow, our lives are connected silently. My dearest mother, Happy Mother’s Day and I love you…

Your daughter, Ada 95

Random picture for this post.

Transport

2009-10-30T12:05:00.001-07:00

Yes one more entry. Not just another entry, it is unique, might deserve a publish. I said the same to the last ones but they never make it up there. I should push myself, stop this laziness, and just do it. A controlled mind is key to life, a priest advised.

Tonight, it is like this...this can’t be, I don't like it. I wanted this. My mind is changing, twisting, and being difficult. I gave it away, I chose to leave it, why the urge? I simply must let go.

It is quiet, mother is resting while boxes are half full of mostly useless mini objects that I never touch, and somehow they landed in my office…can’t blame them for being here, as innocent as they are, I should let them belong elsewhere.

Bleck, must this song sound horrible? I used to like the rhythm of it. Perhaps, not tonight, something about tonight, it is this place, full of memories, numerous nights of sleeping on this sofa listening to music till the sun shines east.

She’s tossing, turning, the sound of my typing on this cell phone isn't very musical for anyone who is weak and tired at midnight. I don’t want to go to the bedroom, the music won’t let me go. I should stop, this elder deserves the rest of the night.

Imaginations I have, making up thoughts, inventing unique stories to convince a life, writing a book about it I do, not too hard. If combining everything on this cell phone, I can easily publish a book about my nonsense writings. Who will read it? Most likely, more laughers than readers. Ah well, I’d rather not think anymore about this place. A new, empty, and open space for me to keep my hobby going is anticipated, I should be excited, and not contemplating. Many promises and interesting adventures awaiting when you start from scratch. Where can I start? The carpet can be covered with a throw carpet to create different coloring contrast on the floor. The bathroom will have a basket of towels and dish soap this time, not liquid soap in a bottle, a small picture frame is 100% needed. Not to mention the various permutations for the living room, writing all these down would kill the battery on this cell phone.

There she goes again, her random tossing and turning, I should go. My weaken fingers, my over-analyzed mind, I am dropping this phone...good night world...

Random picture for this post…

Ink it down

2009-08-03T10:00:00.001-07:00

I write when the time is quiet, the sun is down, and when the night is calm.

I don’t write long. I don’t describe details.

Sometimes, I stare at objects, pause, and then write again.

I try to imagine life without expressions, without emotions, without feelings when I write….rather weird, but it helps me face the fear of not knowing.

When fear is present, it is the subject of my writing, I capture it as I see it in my mind…and I keep writing…

Suddenly I think about you, I think about us, I think about the world, then I realize we are two specks of sand that matter only to each other…but no one else.

Random picture for this post…

Uh huh

2009-07-01T10:23:00.001-07:00

I can’t sleep...Another night of endless frustration and anxiety. I promised myself my brain would rest before the music is over and the clock hits 3am. Again, promises are made to be broken just like the wise man says. My legs are curled up with my head resting on my knees while the arms pretend to be the best pillows for now...The eyes are closed but the mind is still thinking and contemplating the heavy atmosphere of life...I hate it. I don't like this because it feels like a bruise that only time, patience, and perhaps quietness can resolve. But god damn it! I want to resolve now, what is the answer? Yes or no? Checked or unchecked? True or false? Kill the silence and let us, the painful creatures of this earth remain normal again.

Random picture for this post…