Transport

Yes one more entry. Not just another entry, it is unique, might deserve a publish. I said the same to the last ones but they never make it up there. I should push myself, stop this laziness, and just do it. A controlled mind is key to life, a priest advised.

Tonight, it is like this...this can’t be, I don't like it. I wanted this. My mind is changing, twisting, and being difficult. I gave it away, I chose to leave it, why the urge? I simply must let go.

It is quiet, mother is resting while boxes are half full of mostly useless mini objects that I never touch, and somehow they landed in my office…can’t blame them for being here, as innocent as they are, I should let them belong elsewhere.

Bleck, must this song sound horrible? I used to like the rhythm of it. Perhaps, not tonight, something about tonight, it is this place, full of memories, numerous nights of sleeping on this sofa listening to music till the sun shines east.

She’s tossing, turning, the sound of my typing on this cell phone isn't very musical for anyone who is weak and tired at midnight. I don’t want to go to the bedroom, the music won’t let me go. I should stop, this elder deserves the rest of the night.

Imaginations I have, making up thoughts, inventing unique stories to convince a life, writing a book about it I do, not too hard. If combining everything on this cell phone, I can easily publish a book about my nonsense writings. Who will read it? Most likely, more laughers than readers. Ah well, I’d rather not think anymore about this place. A new, empty, and open space for me to keep my hobby going is anticipated, I should be excited, and not contemplating. Many promises and interesting adventures awaiting when you start from scratch. Where can I start? The carpet can be covered with a throw carpet to create different coloring contrast on the floor. The bathroom will have a basket of towels and dish soap this time, not liquid soap in a bottle, a small picture frame is 100% needed. Not to mention the various permutations for the living room, writing all these down would kill the battery on this cell phone.

There she goes again, her random tossing and turning, I should go. My weaken fingers, my over-analyzed mind, I am dropping this phone...good night world...

 

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Ink it down

I write when the time is quiet, the sun is down, and when the night is calm. 

I don’t write long. I don’t describe details.

Sometimes, I stare at objects, pause, and then write again. 

I try to imagine life without expressions, without emotions, without feelings when I write….rather weird, but it helps me face the fear of not knowing. 

When fear is present, it is the subject of my writing, I capture it as I see it in my mind…and I keep writing…

Suddenly I think about you, I think about us, I think about the world, then I realize we are two specks of sand that matter only to each other…but no one else.

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Uh huh

I can’t sleep...Another night of endless frustration and anxiety.  I promised myself my brain would rest before the music is over and the clock hits 3am.  Again, promises are made to be broken just like the wise man says. My legs are curled up with my head resting on my knees while the arms pretend to be the best pillows for now...The eyes are closed but the mind is still thinking and contemplating the heavy atmosphere of life...I hate it. I don't like this because it feels like a bruise that only time, patience, and perhaps quietness can resolve. But god damn it! I want to resolve now, what is the answer?  Yes or no?  Checked or unchecked? True or false?  Kill the silence and let us, the painful creatures of this earth remain normal again.

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me.next

Such an entity you are, you refuse to move forward, you refuse to blend in so no one gets hurt. You see one entity, and that entity is you, you respect nothing from me because you know me, yet you respect the new ones because they are new.  You are one of those kinds that I’d already seen in the past.  Why am I doing this to myself…draining my precious time to a black hole when no such consistent respect has been shown after I am no longer the “new” me…

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Why don’t you care?

So we met again.  Our words were not spoken, our actions were segregated, shy, and empty.  We viewed the atmosphere differently than we used to , it is natural we demonstrated such awkwardness after one moonlight of closeness and openness that had to end so early. 

Moving down the hall, you surpassed my expectations as you walked passed our inflection point without flinching.  You wanted to reveal the discontinuity between us but you were too discreet.  The continuity of my emotions were not easily revealed…nor was I easily transformed.  If only I could differentiate the moment of inertia that passed between us, I hope that someday we can integrate our emotions in order to restore the constants in our lives. 

I have one question remaining for you, do you love Lorentz transformations as much as I do?

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